


5 times Dasha repressed her emotions +1 time she didn't

by Eiso



Series: hanahaki au [4]
Category: Let's Play Cyberpunk Red - Polygon (Web Series)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:22:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27390391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eiso/pseuds/Eiso
Summary: “And she had to stay calm, her friends needed her, she needed to be able to take care of this, whatever this was, so when she rounded the corner to see Vang0, bent over Burger’s still form with blood on their hands and tear tracks on their face, she didn’t scream or cry or throw something but just knelt by their side and took Burger’s hand in hers and started planning for how to make this right.”
Relationships: Burger Chainz/Dapper Dasha, Vang0 Bang0/Burger Chainz
Series: hanahaki au [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1950241
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10





	5 times Dasha repressed her emotions +1 time she didn't

**Author's Note:**

> At this point, me writing pcpr fic is basically just “i’m gonna project my issues with [spins wheel] ~expressing emotions~ onto [throws dart at a board] ~dasha~ and it’s going to be a [draws card from a hat] ~5+1~ fic!” (hint: all the cards say 5+1 on them)  
> tw: blood/gore, body horror, mentions of death, minor self-hatred/negative self-talk

1.

Dasha woke up when her agent pinged with the annoying clang that meant Vang0 had messaged her again at fucking 3:34am, she really needed to get them to tell her how they’d bypassed her Do Not Disturb settings, but as she opened the text to tell them to go the fuck to sleep her fingers stilled on the keyboard because this wasn’t like Vang0’s usual messages -- instead of a screencap of their new high score in sixnite or some new video from M-house it was a barely readable line of typos --

_ Sent from: _ Vang0 Bang0  _ at 3:33am _

gett overg heerw rihgt the fukc nnow 

And it wasn’t like Dasha had never gotten a cryptic text from Vang0 before, they’d once messaged her while drunk to share what they thought was incredibly important news about how strong Burger was -- he’d apparently slung them over one arm like a sack of potatoes when they’d forgotten how to walk and was carrying them back to the van like that, they’d sent a blurry selfie, it was actually very impressive how bad a picture they’d managed to take -- but this wasn’t a drunken ramble about how nice Burger’s arms were, it was a single text and

Maybe it was just the early morning quiet that was putting her on edge, but Dasha’s heart was racing and she could feel sweat beading on her back and her hands were shaking slightly as she picked up the agent to text Vang0 back, only to fumble and --  _ shit  _ \-- drop it when a call from Vang0 popped up on the screen --  _ oh fuck _ \-- and the feeling of forboding only increased as she fumbled for it in the dark, managing to find it after a couple rings and pick it up and snap out 

“Vang0 -- what is it?”

And she knew before she even finished the sentence that something was horribly wrong because Vang0 was full on sobbing and she could barely make out their words but what she did hear --  _ “Dasha, Dasha get ov-over here, help m-me, it’s Bur- it’s B-burger he’s, please, I n-need help-” _ \-- had her sprinting down the stairs in her shitty pajamas and bare feet, and she couldn’t panic right now because over the call she could hear Vang0 panicking enough for the both of them, so she exited the building and forced herself to ignore the stitch in her side and what was maybe some glass in her feet as she headed towards Burger’s tracker beacon as fast as her legs would carry her, 

And she had to stay calm, her friends needed her, she needed to be able to take care of this, whatever this was, so when she rounded the corner to see Vang0, bent over Burger’s still form with blood on their hands and tear tracks on their face, she didn’t scream or cry or throw something but just knelt by their side and took Burger’s hand in hers and started planning for how to make this right.

2.

Dasha stared down at Burger’s unconscious form, pale against the cheap sheets of one of Hypo’s beds, and couldn’t help but think that her friend looked -- small. Sure, he wasn’t the biggest guy and sure, he’d lost what was honestly an alarming amount of weight in the last few months -- though she supposed slowly dying would do that to you -- but he’d never seemed small before; between his over-friendly personality, and his ability to throw someone through a wall, and his willingness to do so he always seemed to take up all the space in any room he walked into. Now, though, Burger was silent, and still, and the only thing keeping him alive was a series of tubes and wires that Dasha didn’t quite understand. She wants to punch someone, or break something, or at the very least leave this fucking room and grill Hypo for every little detail he has about Burger’s condition, but she’d only just convinced Vang0 to get some sleep -- for the first time in over 36 hours -- by promising that she’d stay with Burger the whole time in case he woke up, and Dasha would happily lie to most people, would break a promise in a heartbeat if she could gain something from it, but every time she glanced away from Burger towards the door she pictured him waking up alone with no idea where he was and only machines to keep him company and she just -- couldn’t make herself leave. 

He’d told her, once, when they had both had a few too many drinks -- back before either of them had met Vang0, when he was a couple of years out from the farm and she was only a few years further than him from her family and they had just wrapped up a job that had gone so much worse than they’d thought it would, their employer had been killed and Burger had gotten tossed out of a third floor window and Dasha had thought for a moment that she’d just lost the first decent partner she’d managed to find in this shithole of a city -- that the worst part about getting knocked down on the job was waking up after, and at the time she hadn’t really listened to the story he slurred out, about the first time he’d got knocked out and woke up alone in a hospital bed with half his face gone, but now that she  _ knew _ him -- knew the way he looked when he was about to do some Burger brained shit, when he was genuinely relaxed and happy, when he,  _ fuck _ , when he was  _ dying  _ \-- she couldn’t, she wouldn’t risk him waking up without someone there to explain what was going on, to tell him that he was going to be okay.

She was glad, in the end, that she’d chosen to keep her promise to Vang0 and stay with Burger even when the constant beeping of the various monitors threatened to drive her crazy, because it was only a few hours after Vang0 went to sleep that Burger finally woke up. His eye couldn’t quite seem to stay focused and his camera whirred as it recalibrated frantically and he didn’t seem to recognize her until she carefully placed her hand over his to stop him from swiping the oxygen tube off his face. Burger opened his mouth to speak -- presumably to ask what was going on -- but all that emerged from his mouth was a pained croak, and when he tried again he burst into a coughing fit that ended with Dasha supporting him as he spat up blood and clumps of dead petals.

“Don’t try to talk, Burgs, Hypo says it’ll take a few weeks before your throat recovers and if you keep trying to talk you could cause permanent damage, here, you can use my agent,” 

She hastened to remove the device from her wrist and pressed it into Burger’s hands, politely ignoring how they shook as he tried to hold it before giving up and resting it on his lap. He typed for a while, deleting and rewriting until he finally just showed her a message that said  _ Sorry _ . Dasha punched him gently in the shoulder and said “damn right you’re sorry, you dumbass, if you ever pull something like that again I’ll kill you myself,” and was very proud of how even her voice sounded because just imagining finding him like that again made her want to scream. Burger looked away and nodded, before turning back to the agent.  _ How long did Hypo say I have? _ Dasha was about to let him know that it’d only be a few days before he could come stay with her -- because like hell he was staying in the van and Vang0’s place was hardly any better -- when she saw the way his eye was glistening and his hands were clenched in fists and oh -- 

“Burgs, Burger, hey, Burger  _ look at me _ , you’re not going to die, you hear me? You’re going to be okay, the hanahaki’s dead, Vang0 knows now. Hey, it’s okay, you’re going to be okay, I promise, oh, okay, c’mere big guy,” 

Burger was staring at her with wide eyes and his mouth slightly open as all the tension seemed to drain from his body and then he was slumping against her into a hug, and she didn’t even complain when he started crying quietly into her shoulder -- no doubt completely ruining her jacket -- so she thought she was doing quite well with the whole comforting thing, really. Dasha would have let him stay in her arms for as long as he wanted -- would have kept him safe and protected with his head tucked into her neck and her eyes watching the door for threats, her hands running through his hair and stroking his back -- but one hitched breath turned into a cough turned into another fit, and this time little bits of twig came up and Dasha had to help Burger swipe them out of his mouth when he was too distracted trying to breath and holy fuck she did not envy Vang0 having to do this confused and scared and alone, it was hard enough when she knew what was going on, knew that everything would be okay -- because explanation or not, on the mend or not, Burger was still choking and gagging and dripping blood down his chin and it was  _ fucking horrific _ and she  _ hated  _ it but she had to stay

Calm. Calm down, she needed to calm down, she needed to help Burger, she needed him to know that 

“It’s gonna be okay, Burgs, get it all out, you’re going to be fine, there you go,”

The coughing fit subsided eventually, and Dasha helped wipe the blood off Burger’s face, helped him settle against the pillows, made sure his oxygen tube was in place, settled down in the chair next to the bed and took his hand in hers, locked eyes with him, said

“It’s okay, Burger. It’s all going to be okay.”

3.

The first job Hypo got them after finally clearing Burger to join them again went well enough, from a professional standpoint -- it was relatively simple and straightforward, no grand moral dilemmas or mysterious packages from beyond the grave, just a simple blackmail job, get in get the papers signed get out -- but personally it was a bit of a trainwreck. Dasha prided herself on her professionalism -- maintaining composure in the face of Vang0’s awkwardness and Burger’s dumbassery, limiting herself to a single facepalm here, a subtle low-five there, shutting down 98% of her partners’ stupid schemes so she could feel justified going along with the 2% that would be really really funny -- and this job was no different, would be no different, should be no different, except -- 

For the first time in nearly two months Burger was driving them to their destination instead of Dasha dragging Vang0 along behind her as they complained about how much their feet hurt, was charming the guard by the door into letting them inside with a rough-drawled compliment and a reassuring grin, was forgetting Dasha’s code name and asking too many questions and giving away their hiding spot with an ill-timed cough but talking them out of trouble with an explanation so outlandish that it simply had to be accepted as the truth because who would ever think up such a stupid lie, was twitching impatiently with barely contained adrenaline as Dasha smoothly insinuated that it would be in their mark’s best interest to sign these forms right now and Vang0 broke in to explain that if he didn’t they would tell his boss he’d been embezzeling from the company, was doing some Burger Chainz shit that led to them hotfooting it from the building with the signed papers in Dasha’s left hand and her pistol in her right, was gunning the engine and peeling out of the parking garage before Vang0 had even buckled their seatbelt, was explaining the whole situation to Hypo with a sheepish look on his face as he confirmed that yeah, they’d gotten the stuff signed but also maybe Hypo should steer clear of that part of town for a while, and Dasha should be at least a little upset that Burger had, however inadvertently, caused them to get on yet  _ another  _ business’s bad side, at this rate they’d be banned from every building in the central district, but --

Every time Dasha glanced over and saw Burger -- sitting solid and reassuring and  _ there _ in the driver’s seat, rasping out some surprisingly astute observation or laughing himself into a coughing fit after a stupid joke or detailing exactly how he’d put someone’s head through a wall -- she felt a strange warmth bloom in her chest that she couldn’t quite bring herself to stamp out, could only force it down just enough that she could groan in annoyance at Burger’s fifth reference to some old-timey show in as many minutes, snap at Vang0 to  _ stop streaming this, good lord we’re trying to lay low for a few days _ , tell Burger to  _ stop encouraging them, you’re a terrible influence _ , and eventually just throw up her hands in exasperation because she really didn’t know why she even bothered, at this point.

4.

Burger and Vang0 had been staying at her apartment for a few months now, sharing her spare mattress and taking up what little free floor space she’d ever had in her bedroom, and Dasha figured at this point she might as well cave and make the whole roommate situation official, she’d gotten used to living with them now -- stepping carefully over them on her way to bed and putting in headphones when they decided to fuck right next to her, the assholes, and having coffee and breakfast ready for her when she woke up because Burger was a goddamn morning person and yelling at Vang0 for using all the hot water and fighting for control of the tv and going through her supply of alcohol three times as fast as before and threatening bodily harm to whoever had left all their dishes in the sink and -- it was nice, was all, to be living with two people who she cared for and trusted and who trusted and cared for her in return, and she might be a mercenary asshole but Dasha considered herself a pretty good friend, all in all, 

So it made her feel even more like a piece of shit for the pang of envy she felt whenever she saw Vang0 curled up next to Burger, their head resting on his chest, that little voice in her head that whispered  _ what if that were you _ , that saw her two best friends happy and together and happy together and forced her to look away before she punched something because Burger didn’t love her that way -- and she was  _ fucking glad _ he didn’t, she couldn’t imagine what it must have felt like for Vang0 to know that Burger had nearly suffocated on his love for them -- and it should be enough, it  _ was _ enough, for him to smile at her and follow her lead and make her breakfast and trust her and love her and not be  _ in love _ with her, it was enough, she could deal with it, she could smother that little voice and no one would be any the wiser for it because Dasha wasn’t the one at risk for hanahaki, there’d be no flowers to betray her secrets, she’d keep her mouth shut and a mostly honest smile on her face and chuck a pillow at her friends when they got a little too loud because they were keeping her awake and  _ for no other reason _ , and it’d be fine, she’d be fine, she’d be wonderful.

And besides, even if she couldn’t quite get her mind to shut the fuck up sometimes, Dasha was a professional -- there was no way she was putting any of this on her friends, this was her own problem to deal with and she was perfectly capable of acting like a normal person even if she had caught a few pesky emotions -- so it wasn’t really all that difficult to push her stupid  _ feelings  _ for Burger aside and laugh at his jokes and smack him lightly upside the head when he was stupid and help him bundle Vang0 into a blanket burrito when they were drunk and a little too worked up over their last death in sixnite and remind him to bring his inhaler on jobs and calm him down when he woke up at night in a panic because he couldn’t breathe for a second and keep him safe on jobs and trust him to do the same if only because she’d told him exactly how to do so ten minutes before and just, enjoy being someone Burger loved, in whatever capacity -- so Dasha was content, she could be content, she  _ would  _ be content. This was enough.

5.

It all kinda came to a head on an otherwise pretty unremarkable morning -- Dasha had gotten up early, for once, or rather she hadn’t ever gone to sleep because she had to finish the research for this job so she’d stay up for just another hour, just another hour, oh wow that was sunlight streaming in through the window and well, she was already up, might as well make herself some food and wrap up her work before getting some rest -- sure, Burger usually was the one to cook but Dasha had lived on her own for years before he and Vang0 moved in, she could fend for herself, don’t think too hard about the fact that she’d mostly subsisted on takeout and instant ramen -- so she popped some bread in the toaster oven and grabbed the protein butter out of the fridge and went back to her reading, and didn’t look up from the dossier on their latest contact until the fire alarm started to go off. Whoops. Dasha managed to shut the alarm off quickly enough, and it wasn’t like there was an  _ actual _ fire or anything, just a bit of smoke, so she just turned the fan on and was opening the window to get some relatively fresh air into the kitchen when Burger stumbled out of the bedroom, Vang0 blearily following behind him.

“Dasha, wha- izzat smoke? What’d’ya set on fire now? Should I be setting somethin’ on fire?”

“Nothing got set on fire, shut up --  _ Burger put the lighter away right now _ \-- I’m just making breakfast, don’t worry about it,”

“Dasha, hey, Dasha, aren’t you terrible at cooking, though? Shouldn’t you let Burger do that?”

Dasha turned from the window, shot a glare at Vang0 -- sure, she might have been planning on making Burger handle it before, but now it was a matter of professional pride, and also making sure Vang0 didn’t get too comfortable making fun of her, in this house  _ she _ was the one who insulted her friends, not the other way around -- and stomped over to the fridge; toast was a no go, the oven was completely smoked out and would be for the next hour or so, but they had eggs in the fridge and fried eggs made for a perfectly respectable breakfast,  _ Vang0 _ , she had this handled, thank you very  _ little _ . It was too early for this. 

Vang0 hopped up onto the counter, because they were a terrible person who had no respect, and Burger got a juicebox from the fridge and the fire extinguisher from the hallway and settled down on a stool, because he was a terrible person who had slightly more respect, and Dasha got the frying pan from the sink and the oil from the cupboard and turned on the stovetop and cracked an egg into the pan -- oh, she probably should have added the oil first, whatever, she could add it now, hmm, she should probably flip in now, right? oh nope, that was too early, well, it was probably fine, should she flip it back to make sure the first side was cooked fully? well, guess she was making scrambled eggs now, you needed milk for those, right? gotta get that from the fridge, the eggs’ll be fine for a few seconds, huh, the eggs were sticking to the pan, oil would probably help with that, right,  _ shut up Vang0 I’ve got this _ , oh yikes that was more oil than she meant to add, she could just pour some of it into the sink, oh dear maybe she should wipe the oil off the edge of the pan? nah, it’ll be fine, oh holy shit  _ not fine not fine that’s a fire _ need to get some water on that  _ what the fuck how did that make it worse _ \--

The blare of the fire alarm and the hiss of the fire extinguisher filled the air along with a cloud of white powder, and by the time Dasha finished spluttering and wiping the fire-retardant from her eyes Vang0 had finally managed to get the alarm shut off for the second time that morning -- Dasha felt the vague urge to apologize to their neighbors before deciding that she didn’t care -- and Burger had laughed himself into a coughing fit, she shot a questioning glance at him but he waved her off, if it got any worse she was pretty sure she had a spare inhaler in the cutlery drawer so Dasha was less concerned about him and more concerned about scraping the remains of the egg out of their one half-decent pan -- Vang0 was no help, of course, turns out they’d been streaming the whole thing and were now doing a play by play recap of the moment the eggs had caught fire and she was _going to_ _murder them if they didn’t shut that off right now, asshole_ , the pan was soaking but she still had the spatula free and she wasn’t afraid to use it, and as Vang0 laughingly cowered and shut down the stream Dasha almost didn’t hear Burger say her name, vaguely heard him telling her he loved her and _yeah yeah I love you too, Burgs, come cook us something edible_ , but he just repeated her name in what she was just now registering was a weird -- worried? scared? -- tone of voice so she set down the spatula and turned fully to look at him and

There was red in Burger’s outstretched hand, and for a moment Dasha thought it was blood and made a mental note to call Hypo once she finished making Vang0 clean the kitchen but then she realized that -- it wasn’t blood, it was petals, soft and spit-slick and red red red  _ red _ and Burger was looking at her and saying

“You don’t understand, Dasha, I’m _in love_ with you,”

And Dasha -- froze, for a moment, white noise ringing in her ears and her vision narrowing to the red petals, gladiolus, Burger’s strength and faithfulness and love laying in his palm, growing in his lungs, she couldn’t handle this again she couldn’t she couldn’t but she loved him, he  _ loved _ her, she should be happy she should be ecstatic she should, probably say something, so Dasha -- closed her eyes briefly, took a deep breath, reminded herself that Burger would be okay, he’d told her, she’d heard him before it got too bad, he would be okay and she wouldn’t have to watch him wake up in the night coughing and choking on his own blood, wouldn’t have to watch Vang0 worry and quietly blame themself, he’d be okay they would all be okay, she could handle this, and once she got a hold of her  _ fucking _ emotions she would be happy, because Burger loved her, was  _ in love _ with her, loved her like she loved him, and oh, she should probably tell him that

“I love you too, Burger,”

And as Vang0 made some stupid comment and wrapped their arms around Burger, Dasha stepped into Burger’s space and bent down to press a kiss against his mouth and he tasted like metal and apple juice and something vaguely, horribly floral and he had one hand over Vang0’s on his chest but the other he tangled in her hair as he rose up a bit on his toes to kiss her back and Dasha was still hungry and tired and they were all covered in fire-retardant and the charred pan was still in the sink but this was --  _ good _ . Everything else could wait.

+1

Dasha had stayed up late working again, so she wasn’t surprised that both Burger and Vang0 were sound asleep by the time she came into the bedroom, tossing her clothes on the floor and her agent on the nightstand before making her way to the bed -- they really needed to get around to getting a bigger one, because three people on a double was really a bit cramped -- grabbed the spare blanket because of  _ course _ Vang0 was hogging the sheets, the asshole, and had to pause for a second because it was, nice, to see Vang0 calm for once, to hear Burger’s snores because he’d forgotten to turn on his CPAP  _ again _ , he was really going to suffocate one night if he was ever the last one to fall asleep, and she really should wake him up to get him hooked up to the machine but he looked so peaceful in the soft light filtering in from the hallway that she didn’t want to disturb him just yet, she could wait a few more minutes --

She did need to get to sleep eventually, though, so she brushed Burger’s hair from his eyes and pressed a kiss to his forehead before prodding him awake, helping him get his oxygen mask on because he was still half asleep, settled in next to him and stifled a groan when he was already asleep because she needed more room or she would fall off the bed, ah well, guess he’d have to do double duty as a mattress, glanced over again at where Vang0 was -- awake? Shit. 

“You’re not even gonna make him move? I always knew you were a softie,”

Vang0’s voice was rough with sleep but they still managed to be vaguely mocking because they were an asshole and that was their default setting, and Dasha had just opened her mouth to deny it when Burger shifted in his sleep to wrap an arm around her shoulders, and the retort died in her throat because yeah, maybe she was soft, sometimes. And what of it?


End file.
